Monday, December 16, 2013

In one word...AWESOME!

So many funny things happen everyday and there is no other word to describe it but, AWESOME or MAGICAL.  Here are just a few of those moments:

  1. Man walking down a very busy street during rush hour traffic with no pants on.  Now I don't know anything else about this, was he making a statement, was he just a little toasty and desired a brisk walk in December down a busy street?  I don't know.  I like to think that he was trying to get ready for a Caribbean vacation and he's getting a jumpstart on his tan.
  2. Driving to Costco.  While at the stop light I noticed the man on the corner rocking out to his iPod and dancing with the Dickey's BBQ sign.  He was doing a great job, I was fully attentive to his routine.  Many of the moves, I had seen before, but he had much more enthusiasm that I have seen in most sign dancers.  He sold me on his award-winning skills when he did a sign jive and finished it off with a full "Lay-Out!"  Now if you don't know what a lay out is, its a move usually only performed by the brave dancer...picture "Flash Dance."  One leg is kicked out in from while both arms and head shoot back in a "Ahhhhh"  I certainly added sizzle to his performance.  He gets a 10! 
  3. Today I received a spam email entitled "Life's short. Have an affair."   Really? Really!  I'd like to know what Douche Bag clicks on the link in the email.  I would like to know who they are and then proceed to run them over with Deloris (that's my car). 

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Things I have learned from Christmas songs as of 12.26.13

  1. Snowmen make the sound "Thumpety, thump, thump, thumpety, thump, thump when they walk
  2. Say "You Who!" when I am trying to get someone's attention
  3. Most Christmas songs are depressing
  4. Christmas songs are in a certain key that can either lift your mood out of the mire or I can turn you homicidal on the most unsuspecting and undeserving of victims. 
  5. Reindeer's are jerks!
  6. I would like to hear the tails of the glories and scary ghost stories from Christmas's long, long ago. 
  7. Taylor Swift ruined the song "Last Christmas," originally sung by WHAM! (the best version) and I would like to request it's removal from the radio airwaves. 
  8. Why didn't the cop that yelled stop at the street corner wonder why a bunch of kids were hanging out with a large moving man made of snow?
  9. Why don't they play the original version of the "Have yourself a Merry Christmas"?  The original word were, "Have yourself a Merry Christmas, for it may be your last..." It may.  That is a good warning.  
  10. They should play the Christmas Cookies song by George Straight much more than they do. 
That is all for this years Christmas cheer.  :) Until next December. 

The Honeymoon Recap - Rated G

It's almost been a year since Jake and I got married and he is currently mad at me, so I can't think of a better time to recap the trip to Kauahi, HI 

Getting there...
Jake had never flown over the ocean before, so this was an adventure where he needed the window seat.  When we go to our seats was a rather large Woman/Man there.  She was the most interesting lady, all shoulders and no hips and her husband was quite the opposite.  She already had her Hawaiian shirt on and really short-shorts.  Basically ready to get off the plane and walk right into some hula lessons.  Her husband, "Richard," we soon learned was sitting across the aisle and when she called his name is was a cross between a whine and a pinched yell of exasperation.   "RiCH-aRD!" 

Me being in the middle seat had to share my space with her.  She sat spread-eagle, not super concerned that her leg was about a foot in my space and with her being a foot taller than me, helped this mouth breather to spray her hot and steamy breath down into my oxygen space.  Now, normally I could just cuddle up to Jake and in his space, but for some reason, this plane didn't have individual air vents and it was 1,000 degrees in the plane.  I didn't want to touch anything hot.  It was a really long 6 hour flight! 

When we were getting off the plane, Richard ask if she had seen his head phones.  She snapped, "No I DON'T RiCH-aRD! If they are not in YOUR BAG, then YOU lost them!"  We sure will miss you mouth-breathing woman-man! 

Day 1 - Crusin' the Island

I enjoy a good close-up now and then

Marriage, Day 2.  I should have put on Mascara before I left the condo



Are those mirrored glasses?  Sure as shootin'

The Highway.  Notice that I didn't say one of the highways, just one.

Day 2 - A Kodiak Adventure + Dramamine = F U N!

So this was our tour day of the Napali Coast.  This coast is only accessible by boat, hiking or Helicopter.  The Heli was too expensive and I didn't want to die, so we didn't do that, but this was awesome.  There were two boat options.  The Cruise or the Kodiak.  In the cruise boat you stood on a deck of a slow moving ship and due to the waves and currents, it stayed 50+ feet away from the coast and never docked on any beaches.  That didn't quite appeal to me, so the 12 seater Kodiak was the one for us!  You sat on the side of a raft, wrapped your ankle under a rope that ran around the whole raft (not to ever be called a boat, by any means) and you held the rope running down under your knees.  Adventure!  

I have been motion sick once before on a boat, so Dramamine?  Why not.  Jake and I both popped on and jumped aboard.  Within the 1st 500 fee we saw a pod of bottle nose dolphins (not usual) just cruisin in our wake.
Look a cave! It's like an eyeball.  It is an open ceiling cave with a tiny island in the middle.  Cool from the outside.  Can you guess what the crazy pants driver did next?

This is us getting a little closer, with the surf coming in and out so aggressively, the water completely shuts off the cave, washing down the roof.  After this photo was taken, he punched it when the wave let out we went screaming in the cave, around the tiny island and shot out just before another wave shut it off.  Awesome and thanking my lucky stars that I didn't fall out in the cave.

Napali Coast, HI
More coast

Happy Jake!  Probably that he didn't die in the eyeball cave!

Hello Blue Crush!

Oh yeah and it started raining on us as soon as we started cruising out, as you can see from my boat hair.

Usually the home of a waterfall, sad for droughts

Marriage = Day 3

Sun coming out and the guy who kept grabbing the rope under Jake's butt!  He as European. They are just more familiar over there. :)

Here comes the sun, do n do do

Never mind...more clouds

Day 3 - Luau (you can't come to HI and not eat a lot of salted pork!)

My Chauffeur

I really needed a Dr. pepper!

The Luau train

I love to make an entrance

I think this was a walking tree, it follows the water source...I just thought it was crazy how the roots did whatever they wanted to.  We don't need no stinkin dirt to grow!

Marriage = Day 4

I own this house!
The fire pit

The dinner was really good.  There was a creepy purple potato. It was gummy and gross.  There was a native show afterwards.  It was long.  You can only watch so many poy balls get swung around and only so many war dances.  Would have been better if they did the food and the entertainment, or a half-hour show, but this was like 1.5 hours of grass skirts and hand jives.

Getting ready in our very Golden Girls-ish condo

Bike ride time along the coast on our bitchin' cruisers

The tunnel of trees leading to the South side of the Island


I would totally feed them if I lived here to fatten them up for dinner, but not the cats.  That would be gross.

A new recipe idea we brought back with us, the Puka Dog.  A hot dog, in a sweet bread, with a garlic and mustard aoli. Delish!

Near a waterfall/cave, thus the mist.

Everywhere leading up to anything in Hawaii has warning signs.  Falling rocks, slick, strong currents, sneaky waves, etc

The beginning of the Napali Coast hike

Jake doesn't like to hike.  He make sad face to show his dislike.

Looking toward the Napali Coast

Its a little humid

We are now at the two mile mark.  The trail either heads inland to the waterfall (another 2 miles) or along the coast (another 9 miles)  I wanted to head up to the waterfall, for a total of 8 miles.  It was toasty, but we were at sea level and I was feeling good to hike.  Jake however, was not.  He is usually so protective and he said, "Head on up, I'll be here waiting for you."  At that I decided that this is was the end of the line, as far as we go, for today.

The coast where everyone dies if you go in the water due to strong currents

Here is the count and walking the waves crash in and scream out, I am not surprised.

On the way back, we had a little drama.  I was leading and a little to fast.  I took the Camelbak so Jake didn't have to pack it, but this lead to him overheating and feeling dehydrated.  He yelled that I needed to slowdown and then started to panic a bit and breath a little crazy.  "Jen, I'm in trouble.  I'm in a bad way!" he said.  "What? Jake, we're less than a mile from the car, a bad way is being 10 miles in the back country, your out running a forest fire with no food or water."  "You don't know how I feel!" he snapped.  We sat down in the shade, I gave him the water and began to calm down.  He took the lead and in no time we were at the top of the hill and began our decent back to the other beach.  After a little bit, he turned around to me and said, "I may of overreacted a bit." "You think?!?"

Jake posing for a picture on the decent

The "Killer" Kalulau trail.

Just fat-doggin on the beach.  Wow, where did my neck go?

The best SNOWIE EVER!  It isn't too sweet so you can actually eat the whole thing without getting the shakes. 
Our last full day we took a Kayak ride up the river, in shark infested waters might I add, to the "secret waterfall." It was so secret that even the waterfall didn't know it was a waterfall.  Due to the drought, I didn't fall and was really just a stagnate pool full of garbage that I am sure was from either up river or tourists getting there.  Some of the tourists got in, Jake asked if I was going to get in and I told him no thank you, I didn't really want to get a tetanus shot and the uncontrollable heartbreak of diarrhea this trip.

And home we came after this to an early snow in Utah.